30 Minutes Per Day
30 minutes a day. Half an hour. It’s all I ask, just 30 minutes a day. For me. It’s been more than 3 weeks since I started Year 10, a freshman in high school, and all the emotions that built up to the double digits had - Met my expectations - To say the least. Before the start of the year, I had spoken to a few of my seniors, looking to be enlightened, but I was quickly snapped back to reality as they warn me about the intensity of high school, not forgetting about the ever-so-often all-nighters. Get ready to get up close and personal.
It’s stressful, as expected, but it can’t be that bad, SURELY NOT
…Was what I thought, entering the academic year with a few topics studied in advance, feeling a boost of confidence. Oooh dear, was I wrong. Teachers setting unrealistic amounts of homework for a 30-minute homework slot (prep, as we call it), speeding through topics to finish on time for assessments, are what I can think of on top of my head. However, that is not the scariest part, I’ve been prepared for this, I knew this was going to be hard, and I’d needed to tackle it. But it’s the sudden realization dawning on everyone that they need to get their act together and work, I remember in there were times in Year 8 where I went home and took naps. Pleading for the day to be over with. I lived like royalty. It’s honestly pretty terrifying to flash back to middle school where I didn’t put any work in, being sad about a bad test score and moving on without second thoughts. Winnie, what were you doing?
High school is different, for better and worse. I’ve always considered myself as self-loving, not in a narcissistic way (hopefully), but I always knew how to drag myself out of the mud during lows, and understood my body’s demands psychologically and physically and therefore acting on that (like watching YouTube after a long day). Yet, lately, I’ve been noticing the slight changes in myself - Drowning myself in heavy workload until late at night to feel productive, submerging myself in my own thoughts, good and bad, and getting easily irritable - Not that many people notice, but I do. I don’t really listen to my body any more, I can’t, I simply don’t have the time. I know this is all because of me, no one demanded this from me, what is pushing me so much? When will I finally be satisfied?
Hustle culture
It’s not until now that I’ve become extremely close with my -now- friend group that I truly feel the pressure. Well, I’ve never been in a 9 people friend group before, to start with, and secondly, all of them are brilliant at one or more aspect, sports, maths, English, you name it. It’s not to feel like I need to fit in, nor is it the fear of missing out… But what is it? I still haven’t figured it out. Anyway, it’s these people I've built close-knitted relationships with that pushes me every day to always be ahead, finesse what I’ve learned, be ahead of the game, the desperateness to win, get the highest scores and comparing it with even your best of friends, building this competitive hustle culture, that is beginning to drain me.
We’re programmed to be competitiveness and to be compared with others; it’s a part of the reason why legends in all fields exist. They felt the pressure. Pressure to get good grades, using the good grades to get into good universities, getting a job that pays well, working up the social ladder, we’re being compared 24/7. I just need to figure out how I can accept that, and be me. Don’t get me wrong, I still trust myself that I have lots to offer, but I’m currently typing up this blog, with my back aching from training, like a knife piercing through my spine and my eyes struggling to stay open. It’s a war zone, you just make wartime alliances along the way, and may the best man win.
Pause.
Enough with the negativity, I’m just exhausted. If we backtrack a little, why’s the blog titled “30 minutes a day”? I just wanted this to be a reminder to everyone reading, including myself, to appreciate, cherish and look forward to the little things. I have a bed that hugs around me when I plop down after 3 hours of non-stop past paper drills, and I get to enjoy football matches with a bag of chips on Saturday evenings, and I get to plan my Christmas holiday trip in advance after not travelling for 3 years. Look forward to all of that. Even if it’s lying on your bed, spilling your heart out in a blog post for 30 minutes, do it, and enjoy it. These minuscule things are what I try to remind myself about when I’m stuck on some function question at midnight, so close from being able to get my beauty sleep. Pro-tip: Find something that motivates you! Be proactive when you’re feeling miserable. For me, it’s the image of me opening the acceptance letter from my dream university in my school’s sixth form zone, getting down on my knees and letting it register in my head that all was worth it. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and have decided that the thought of me thriving through adulthood is more beautiful than anything I can think of. I’m going to work towards that. What about you? What’s motivating you?
So much to say… So much to ask… So little answers. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk, joining me as I dump my bottled up thoughts that’s been stacking up for a while now. I have a busy day ahead, enjoyed my 30 minutes-per-day break, have you had yours?
Thanks for reading, and see you all in a bit.
-Winnie 25/09/2022
