Self-Conflicted: Summer edition

Can’t I just have fun?

“Summer time is the best of what might be.” I swear I’ve heard this quote from somewhere, and this got me thinking: Is this really the case, though? I woke up today, two and a half weeks into my summer holidays, not having any sort of idea of what I want to do for the rest of the morning. Because towards the late afternoon, it’s the same, repeating motion of my finger scrolling through social media; Seeing those in Australia, Maldives, and even Turkey… While I try to make the most of my summer by going to Disneyland (3rd time in 2 months, by the way).

So much for the “summer plans” note I have pinned in my Notes app, and the twelve things I need to get done. Haven’t even got over the half mark, yet. Sure, it’s easy to say that I’ve got loads of time and I should enjoy the summer breeze whilst I can before another hectic year begins; and I really wish I can carry that mentality around with ease, but that’s just not the case. Whenever I have a blast hanging out with my friends (whether that’d be hotel staycation, or enjoying a dinner date with my closest people), I get home, and that sinking feeling creeps in again. I once again, begins to feel self-conflicted.

Maybe this is a sign, that I haven’t found what I want to do and haven’t discovered who I am, so I’m fighting against time, having that turbulent feeling within myself, tossing and turning. Time feels like a stretching void with boredom as I wait every day to be called for breakfast, lunch and dinner, sleep, then rinse and repeat.

So much to do… So little energy to get started… Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

What’s Next?

There are lots of questions that I have for myself for which I don’t have the answers to; But before I figure out a path for myself, I’m sent right back to reality, where I sit in front of a blue screen, typing this up and embracing the lack of structure in my day-to-day routine. I’m still going to continue with my blogs, I’m still going to go to the gym, I’m still going to play sports, and I’m still going to take online courses, but with less self-conflict, self-doubt and self-inflicted anxiety than I had when I first started this post.

Thanks for reading and coming along, see you all in a bit.

-Winnie 15/07/2022